I grew up in an Irish family where one of our favorite jokes, statements and, I think for a period of time, refrigerator magnets was a quip about Irish Alzheimer’s. If you haven’t heard it before, Irish Alzheimers is when you forget everything but the grudge. It always made me laugh and, to be honest, feel a little vindicated. I struggled with holding grudges for the same reason I struggle with sunburns and dancing…I’m Irish! It’s incredibly convenient when we give ourselves ethnic exemptions for what the Bible calls sin.
It’s also incredibly destructive.
Unwillingness or inability to forgive turns our hearts into a breading ground for self-righteous anger, bitterness, and resentment. It’s hard to accomplish anything meaningful in life when all you can think about is how you’ve been wronged and why God isn’t punishing that person the way you think He should. The old adage really is true, “Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die.”
None of us set out to waste our lives by drinking the poison of unforgiveness. It just happens because forgiving people is hard, especially when they’ve really hurt us. But that’s what Jesus calls us to do, “as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” (Colossians 3:13) Notice, “so you also must forgive”. This isn’t optional. It’s a command.
Here’s what I’ve learned about actually doing the hard work of forgiveness: My greatest obstacle to forgiveness isn’t my sense of justice. It’s my pride. The path to forgiveness is found in allowing the grace of God to melt my pride. Here’s how it works.
(1) Our forgiveness of others is rooted in God’s forgiveness of us. I know just how much God has forgiven me of in my life. I know that forgiveness was completely undeserved and totally motived by His grace. I didn’t do anything to earn it nor can I do anything to pay Him back. So, the forgiveness God calls us to in Colossians 3 is made possible by the forgiveness He offers us in Colossians 2, “And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.” (Colossians 2:14-15) This is the essence of the gospel – my debts were nailed to a tree in the person of Jesus Christ so that I could be forgiven and made alive. That’s grace!
(2) Grace always kills pride. When it comes to forgiving another Christian, we need to ask ourselves, “If the cross is enough for God to forgive this person, why isn’t it enough for me?” Why do we feel like we need something more? God didn’t. And if the person we’re struggling to forgive isn’t a Christian, we can rest in the promise of Proverbs 11:21, “Be sure of this: The wicked will not go unpunished“. God deals with all injustice – either on the cross or in hell.
Jesus offers us a forgiveness that is so complete, so undeserved, and so permanent that it will melt the pride of our unforgiveness as we come to understand it. In Christ, we not only find our forgiveness but also the power to forgive others. So, lay your cup of poison at the foot of the cross and let grace do it’s transforming work.
One thought on “The Arrogance Of Unforgiveness”
When it was my turn to be arrogantly-unforgiving I met a woman who equalled my approach. Hence we went at each others proverbial, and not so proverbial, throats.
I have one memory turned into a minor poem, free for all who can still shun away from that devil’s trap:
Unforgiving – Beloved Nemesis – Acrostic Poem
© Andrè M. Pietroschek, all rights reserved
U – Used to the false promises and masked abuses you tell
N – Not being too eager to call it love, your psychiatric hell
F – Forlorn, for once I’ve believed in you upright & willingly
O – Overwhelmed by hell, since due you God abandoned me
R – Regretful, as in moments so rare, we both did nobly dare
G – Gay-Fiendish a remnant-shadow of my former self, beware
I – Isolated and scarred from the blood-crime and dire sin
V – Violated by knowing God’s treason ensured I won’t win
I – Infuriated by being forced to live on until I’ll finally die
N – Not sure, if that was love, or someones lunatic, mad lie
G – Good it hurts me and you, as life has 2 freaks to undo