Parenting

Stand Out From The Crowd

/ John / Leave a comment

In last Sunday’s sermon, I shared a quote from RT France that I haven’t been able to get out of my mind since I first read it. In his commentary on Matthew, France calls us to adopt “the distinctive lifestyle of disciples.” This phrase is a wonderful reminder that, as followers of Jesus, we’re meant to stand out from the crowd – not to be conformed to the pattern of this world, as Paul would say it. (Romans 12:1) Our lives should be visibly different because we’ve been brought from spiritual death to spiritual life by the grace of God. (Ephesians 2:5) And this distinctiveness should be a lifestyle for us, not just an occasional moment of spiritual courage.

It’s a beautiful vision for our lives but living it out is really hard; in fact, it’s impossible without the power of the Spirit in our lives. But we need to rely on that Spirit in different ways in different seasons of our lives. While we’re all in different places and have different needs, here’s how I’ve seen this play out in the seasons of my life and in the lives of the people I pastor.

Courage

From our late teens to our mid 30’s, it takes a lot of courage to adopt the distinctive lifestyle of a disciple. It feels like the teachings of Jesus and your friend’s plans for the weekend are in constant conflict. People think you’re weird because you don’t live with your girlfriend, aren’t diving into the hookup scene, and stay under control at happy hour. And they’re more than happy to share their opinions about you and your distinct lifestyle, sometimes with you and sometimes behind your back. Some days you wonder if following Jesus is worth it. Would life be better if you eased up on the Jesus stuff and just went with the flow? I get it. I’ve been there. And I’ve given in to the temptation. But I was always left with the sense that I had traded true joy for fleeting pleasure, that I had turned my back on the life I wanted, and the One who gave me life.

Creativity

Somewhere around our mid-30’s, we start to chill out a bit, follower of Christ or not. Admittedly, this is more true for some than others but we all agree that a 40 year old trying to live like a 20 year old is a sad sight. Along the way, those of us who follow Jesus start to notice that the distinction between our lives and the lives of our non-Christian friends is a little less clear. Both single and married adults experience this but it seems to be most prevalent in married adults with children. Don’t get me wrong, the distinct lifestyle of a disciple still takes courage but it also takes a lot of creativity. Here are some questions I’m wrestling with as someone right in the middle of this season of life:

  • How does the gospel shape the way I honor and care for my body?
  • Am I showing my kids that the best things in life aren’t watched on a screen?
  • Are we willing to say no to the onslaught of playdates, birthday parties, activities, practices, and games that can dominate this season of life? More importantly, are we giving our kids a compelling why for the choices we’re making – time with family, time to rest, time for church?
  • Am I open to new experiences and different points of view? Am I still learning?
  • When was the last time we decided not to purchase something so that we could use the money to fund ministry?
  • How do we keep the romance in marriage so that our kids grow up wanting to be married, not afraid of it?
  • Are we still willing to take risks as a family? Especially with our finances – do we settle for the safety of giving or reach for the risk of generosity?
  • Do my neighbors see me as the kind of guy who is available for a meaningful conversation if they wanted to have one?
  • How do I treat my kid’s teachers, coaches, and the volunteers at RCCKids? Do I come off as entitled and disappointed or grateful?

Honestly, I love this season. But I also know how easy it is to drift into complacency. After all, I’m not doing anything all that bad! Fight that, stay fresh, get creative!

Love

Somewhere in our mid-50’s, we start to turn another corner. From what I can tell, this one is about love – whether or not love is the controlling motivation of our hearts. This season is all about what you chose to do when you don’t have to do anything. You’re less controlled by kids schedules, boss’ expectations, and financial pressure (ideally…I know that’s not true for everyone). So, what are you going to do with your life now that you don’t have to do anything with your life?

The distinctive lifestyle of a disciple is never easy. Courage, creativity, and love are always going to be in the mix, just to varying degrees. And Jesus is always going to be worth it, not in varying degrees but infinitely so.

The Boys

/ John / Leave a comment

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Jack & Aidan

It’s hard to believe Aidan is already seven days old.  A week ago, I was holding him for the first time.  Today, I can’t imagine life without him.  I remember being amazed when Jack was born how quickly I fell in love with him.  I’m happy to say the same holds true the second time around.  I love those little boys with a love I never knew was possible.

In a couple of days, Jack will turn two. Until then, Laura and I get the joy of saying we have two boys under the age of two.  As a total aside, it’s pretty hilarious to see the looks of sympathy, pity and confusion we get from people when we say that!

Jack and Aidan both need their diapers changed constantly.  Neither one can feed themselves.  They don’t have a clue what’s in their best interest.  Crying is common.  Sleep is frequent for them but rare for us.

They are also incredibly joyful, trusting, loving and happy little people.  Jack can’t get enough of Aidan, constantly wants to know where he is and will go ballistic if you try putting him to bed before he can kiss Aidan goodnight.  Aidan is a little trooper who has already made a huge mark on our family.

They are totally helpless but totally trusting.  Inadequate but have everything provided for them.  Selfish but loved.  Sacred but safe.

And Jesus tells you and me we must see ourselves the same way to enter the kingdom of God, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.“(Mt. 18:3)  That runs deeply against our human nature.  It’s wired into us to grow up, be good at something and earn your place in life.  Jesus invites us into something different – the wonder of grace.

The gospel is the story of a perfect God becoming sin on the cross so that sinners could become perfected in God’s sight through faith in Jesus.  God doesn’t expect us to get our lives together, impress Him and earn His favor.  He’s totally certain we could never do that on our own.  He’s comfortable with our helplessness, our inadequacy, our fears and our selfishness.  He offers us life not because we’ve earned it but because He’s earned it on our behalf.

So many of us strive to act like we have it all together.  Maybe we’re trying to impress others and maybe we’re trying to impress God.  Either way, it’s exhausting. And unnecessary.

I don’t hate Jack and Aidan because they need Laura and I.  If anything, it makes me love them more.  I love being strong for them, teaching them, lifting them and protecting them.

But I also love knowing I have a Father in heaven who is strong when I am weak (2 Cor. 12:9), who fights for me (Ex. 14:14) and who will provide for me (Mt. 6:26).  Honestly, I don’t think I could be strong for my boys if God wasn’t strong for me.  That’s our privilege as followers of Christ – to “approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.“(Heb. 4:16)

It’s okay to come to God as a helpless child.  In fact, it’s the only way to ever find Him.

Keeping It Real

/ John / Leave a comment

Last Friday, I wrote about the plans Laura and I had for the weekend – we were getting away for 24 hours to build into our marriage.  Honestly, I hope a lot of married couples were inspired to do the same whether you have kids or not.  But I would also guess there were some people who read that post and felt discouraged.  If you were in that second group, this post is for you!

Maybe your marriage is in trouble and you were depressed to realize you really wouldn’t want 24 uninterrupted hours with your spouse.  Maybe you were frustrated that your spouse never suggests something like this.  Maybe it was an unpleasant reminder that you aren’t married yet and the whole idea just seemed like a cruel fantasy.  Maybe you read it on your phone at the end of a long day while making dinner and listening to the kids fight in the other room.

It’s amazing how quickly comparison kills our joy.

Social media puts the comparison trap in front of us on a daily basis.  There’s always somebody doing something awesome in my newsfeed.  Someone’s always in the Caribbean.  Someone is always getting promoted, buying a house or going on the “BEST first date EVER:)!!!!”  We compare all of that to our boring, ordinary lives and feel miserable.  My friend is surfing in Costa Rica and I’m doing an expense report…wow, I hate my life!

The problem is we’re comparing our real lives with an idealized version of someone else’s.  I’m writing all of this today because our little getaway wasn’t as ideal as you might think.

  • Our night away started with a quick trip to Urgent Care.  Laura has asthma and pregnancy can exacerbate it significantly.  When I left for work on Friday morning, she sounded fine.  By 1.30 in the afternoon, she sounded like an 85 year old smoker who couldn’t breathe.  One breathing treatment, a new prescription and a few hours later we finally got to the hotel much later than planned.  Not exactly the fairy tale beginning you might have imagined.
  • For the record, God didn’t bless us with an unexpected upgrade to the Presidential Suite.  We were in what is probably the smallest room in the hotel.  No big deal but don’t fall into the trap of believing God only shows His love in unexpected blessings.
  • We couldn’t agree on a good place for dessert so we ended up the only customers in some cupcake shop splitting a gluten free cupcake (it was all they had left).  For the record, I believe it was gluten free because it was baked before the discovery of wheat!
  • On Saturday morning, a simple conversation about schedules turned into a fairly significant and at times heated disagreement about some issues that had been building up for awhile.

Before you get too depressed, let me say our disagreement morphed into one of the best conversations we’ve ever had about our marriage.  By the end of that conversation, we both felt more united and excited about our marriage.  So, the weekend was not a bust – we had a good time and were super grateful to get away.

Steven Furtick makes this point so well, “We struggle with insecurity because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”  Don’t fall into that trap – enjoy the life God has put in front of you today.

24 Hours Away

/ John / 1 Comment

Laura and I love Jack so much that we’re going away for a day without him.

As strange as that might sound, it’s true.  Later today, my in-laws are coming into town to watch Jack so Laura and I can break away for a night by ourselves.  We’re not doing anything all that exotic – we’re just taking 24 hours to be together, to sleep in and to have dinner without anyone interrupting to announce they just peed.  May sound boring to you but we’re really excited!

I understand that not all parents have someone to watch their kids and I get that a night in a hotel isn’t financially possible for every couple.  So, my point is not that you have a bad marriage if you don’t do something exactly like this on a regular basis.

My real point is this: a healthy marriage is the greatest gift you can give to your kids.  As followers of Christ, our most significant responsibility to our kids is to raise them in a home rooted in the gospel and pointing them to Jesus.  Don’t miss the connection between those two thoughts: your kids will learn more about the gospel from your marriage than from your church!  If that’s true, then our kids need us to prioritize our marriages.

Taking time for yourselves isn’t a selfish luxury.  It’s a vital gift to your kids.

Christ Centered Routines For Kids

/ John / Leave a comment

In yesterday’s sermon, I read a little excerpt from “The Jesus Storybook Bible.”  If you have kids of any age and haven’t picked up this book, I would highly recommend it.  If you’re interested, you can learn more and order a copy here.  I honestly think you and your kids will benefit from this resource.

Whether you order the book or not, here’s what really matters: start developing routines in your kid’s lives that point them to Jesus.  Pray with them, read the Bible to them, talk with them about Jesus, worship with them and teach them to see the world through the lens of the gospel.  Many parents wait too long until their kids are too old before they start working on these routines.  When Laura and I had Jack, we decided that if we were going to get the timing wrong we might as well do it on the early side.  So, we started reading Jack Bible stories and praying with him well before he had a clue what was going on.  At the time, he was way more interested in eating the pages than hearing the story!  Even today it’s not like he’s started writing his own psalms or anything like that.   But he definitely insists on a Bible story and prayer before he goes to sleep at night and I love it!  My prayer is that these simple routines will blossom into a life saturated in God’s Word and immersed in prayer.

If you have kids and aren’t creating these kinds of routines, not only are they missing out but you are as well!  Praying with my little boy is one of the best things about being a dad.  I’ve never once regretted making time to read Jack a Bible story or pray with him and I doubt you will either.

You don’t have to be a spiritual giant to pour into your kids.  You just need to prioritize their spiritual development and make time to pour into their little lives.  When you do, you’ll find it’s totally worth it!