God designed sex to be the most powerful bond between two people – the two become one flesh. That oneness requires the most explicit form of vulnerability we’re capable of as humans. It requires us to expose our most intimate parts to the sight, touch and experience of another. It’s the most provocative form of vulnerability – here I am, all of me, even the parts I keep covered in any and every other situation. See me, know me, accept me, enjoy me, protect me, delight in me, love me.
But we so often do with our bodies what we’re unwilling to do with our souls. It’s easier to take your pants off than to let your guard down. It’s easier to be physically naked than emotionally naked – to show someone the most intimate parts of our souls (our fears, our dreams, our hurts, our real selves). So we settle for sex instead of intimacy. We settle for an orgasm instead of love.
I think that’s the allure and lie of pornography. It’s less about physical gratification and more about the desperate search to feel some kind of connection, some level of intimacy and some form of relating. We want the thrill of vulnerability without any risk on our end. We get to see someone else’s nakedness with no reciprocal vulnerability needed. I risk nothing but get to see everything. And that’s the lie. Real vulnerability is a two way street of trust, not a cheap show of lust.
The challenge for our culture is to stop using physical vulnerability as an excuse to avoid spiritual, emotional and relational vulnerability. Don’t use your body to numb your soul’s desires. You were made for the intimacy that only comes when you find the courage to be honest about who you really are, the courage to talk about that person with someone else, the courage to be rejected, ignored, loved or cherished for who you really are.
By the way, the best sex is the wrapped in the blanket of spiritual vulnerability and lifelong commitment. When our bodies become an expression of our souls, something powerful happens. That’s how God designed it to work – soul connection first, physical connection second. It’s when our bodies become a substitute for our souls that we get ourselves in trouble.